I fell off the wagon today... one day short of my goal. I ate cinnamon rolls at breakfast and had two Reese's peanut butter eggs, you know the extra big ones. Yeah... I guess I wish I had waited until Monday so I could say that I finished my second week. The guilt associated with not completing a goal like this is the reason I don't like diets and why I try to set small attainable goals. I have all of these negative feelings like I want to blame my mom in part because she kept offering me sugar in many forms and buying sugary stuff. Jason didn't offer stuff to me but he would make pudding and eat it when I was around. I was proud of myself every time I said "no" to them but I guess maybe when I decide to have these little dieting adventures, I need to get everyone on board because my will power is not strong enough to withstand those temptations. At the same time, I feel like I'll always have to make those choices to be more healthy. I've got a husband with a ridiculous metabolism which means unless some external influence (besides me) forces him not to, he will always eat junk.
Anyway, I'm kind of ranting at this point. It's amazing the level of emotion that is associated with weight loss and eating habits. It's no surprise to me that people can let it get out of control cause it wouldn't take much for me! Another thing that bugged me was this second week, none of my effort showed on the scale. I feel like nursing a baby, exercising rigorously 5-6 days a week (I'm training for a half marathon) and trying to eat better should be enough to make a difference. I try not to be disappointed in the scale and to be happy with my body. I am back to pre-being-a-mother weight (150-155) but I got down to 140 after I had Whitney. I've always kind of wanted to weigh that much but I never really stressed it cause I didn't think I could do it. I tried to tell myself that I felt pretty healthy and that I should be happy with my weight but it never really worked. Then, just magically, after having a baby and nursing her for a year, I did it. Here I'm having a little moment of realization. I thought I was better at convincing myself that I'm fine but I always feel like I'm "a little big"... Oh man, do I have some insecurities or what?
Well, I am going to try every day to eat better because I know it is a good thing. I was just thinking how I can make Easter a little less about the candy and I think there are definitely some good changes to be made. My family usually fills a bunch of plastic eggs to the brim with candy and then anything else that will hold it too. I guess for that one, I really will have to have a conversation with my family about it.
Sorry this post is all sad and frustrated but that's how I'm feeling!
I know some people were wondering if I can feel anything when I do eat sugar after not having it. I didn't feel any different than I could tell yesterday after partaking. I'm not as in tune with my body as some people are though. Maybe you guys would be able to tell the difference given the same circumstances. I didn't totally cut sugar out either. I think it would be more dramatic if I didn't let anything pass my lips that contained sugar but I think for me that is going too far and I would just be setting myself up for failure (even more that I already have).
3 comments:
you are not alone. I could have written this except for the crazy part about a half marathon. Crazy. Good job on almost 2 weeks.
Here's my opinion, if I may have an opinion. It took me a year to lose my weight after Carson--and that was only once I began to exercise after 9 months of expecting it to come off by itself. Then I started to exercise and it finally left after 3-4 more months.
Some days the scale looked good, and some days the scale looked bad. But the important thing was that I was doing SOME form of exercise every day and I felt better about myself. I also kept a body measurement chart which, after 6 months (think LONG term), SHOCKED me more than any amount of poundage that I lost.
Plus, it helped that I had a good walking partner, which I never wanted to admit, but I now realise was the key to my success. I dearly miss that now. Wish we lived close so we could be exercise partners!
(PS Awesome metabolisms don't last forever. I've known many middle aged men with crazy pot bellies because they were twigs all their life and never learned to curb their eating habits!)
(PS Moving to China on a strict budget also helps! I lost an additional 15 lbs within my first 2 months here! More reasons to come join the crowd...)
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